Revised short essay feedback?
Posted on August 29th, 2009 by admin
Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Karla Ortiz and for the next few minutes I will share with you my perspective of a quote, which did not only capture my mind, but also captured my heart. A well-known woman once said: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” “Her name was Helen Keller and like most of us -if not all of us-know, Helen Keller was deaf as well as blind. Still, she saw perhaps not with physical eyes, but with eyes guided by her strong mind and strong spirit that showed her a beauty that could be seen amongst the darkness she was living in. You might be wondering why I have decided to talk to you about this quote, but instead of me just telling you, I will take you to a journey that might place you in my position. Let me ask you this, with a raise of hands how many of you would like to live in a house like this? Well, it is a common goal in today’s fast-paced society to achieve monetary Wellness in order to live what some people call “the good life”. In this house you have the latest technology and a crew of people that are more than willing to take care of all of your needs. Now, picture yourself in this house. It certainly does not compare, right? So what is my point? Why am I showing these pictures? Well what you do not know is that in the second picture lives an aged couple who had been married for over 30 years. They had lived together the toughest years of their lives in that simple house. They had seen their son grow, they saw how he would fail, but they also had the opportunity to see him achieve all of his goals. Now if you show this picture to his now grown and mature son, he would not see just a house, he would see his home. The place that had been his shelter and though it was not a mansion, it had people inside of it that gave him the tools needed to succeed. He had love, he had companionship, he had support.
Which leads me to the initial quote: “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”
Every single one of you saw the mansion and the house, but no one saw the emotions attached to each picture. You could not see the warmth of family love and support, but you could see how amazing the first house looked. Helen Keller once said: “I can see, and that is why I can be happy, in what you call the dark, but which to me is golden. I can see a God-made world, not a manmade world.”
Both houses were man-made, but only one of them had an emotional value. This value cannot be understood unless you had placed yourself in the position of those who lived it.
Now I’ll leave you with this question: With which eyes will you look at life?
wow. nicely done. i wouldnt keep"if not all of us know" about helen keller. and i would use different wording on the part :Every single one of you saw the mansion…" maybe not everyone seen the mansion. u wouldnt want to make anyone feel bad. if you use ur body language u will be in great shape! i loved it.
August 29th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Nice and inspiring way of getting people to not judge based on looks. I wouldn’t say "every single one of you saw the mansion and the house…" but would probably say, "perhaps most of you…" so as not to alienate people or make them feel bad for not seeing things the way you want them to. Well done.
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August 29th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
wow. nicely done. i wouldnt keep"if not all of us know" about helen keller. and i would use different wording on the part :Every single one of you saw the mansion…" maybe not everyone seen the mansion. u wouldnt want to make anyone feel bad. if you use ur body language u will be in great shape! i loved it.
References :